Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
