ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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