I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
