My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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