dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
