I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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