I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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