bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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