You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
