You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize