I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
