so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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