Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Terrible idea I love it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize