Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
