Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
