I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
