I would go down on you faster than GM stock
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
