you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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