I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is classic penis vs brain.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
