i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
