Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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