I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
