And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
