I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
40s are totally the cure
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
