AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
