he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
