Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
