Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Acid is not a monday night drug
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
