The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
