All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
