i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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