I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
