You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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