OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
