Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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