If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
