I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
