The maid of honor just puked.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
