Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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