Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
