so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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