so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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