Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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