Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
