Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
