About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
