the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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