i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
