Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
