Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
