you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
