Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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