We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Randomize
