I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize