; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
