Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
