i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
