He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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