Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
