Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
