So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize