Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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