i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize