First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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