i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
did you just send me my own nude
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
