He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
