The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
