ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
