when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
