remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
