Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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