I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize