Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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