You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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