i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
