Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
