Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
