'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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