I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
