i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize