dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
