eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
