the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
