My first STD was from a foam party
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
