Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
