Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
