Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
