nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
