Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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