Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
