If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
