I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize