Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
