You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize