Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
