i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
