can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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