what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
